That... was for everything else

How to Train Your Dragon (2010)
Directed by Chris Sanders, Dean DeBlois
Produced by Bonnie Arnold, Doug Davison, Roy Lee, Michael Connolly, Tim Johnson
Written by Adam F. Goldberg, Peter Tolan, Dean DeBlois, Chris Sanders, Cressida Cowell (Story)
Starring Jay Baruchel, Gerard Butler, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Jonah Hill, America Ferrera, Craig Ferguson

How to Train Your Dragon trailer

Notes

• I accidentally called this "How I Met Your Dragon".
• I wish Gerard Butler had to yell a line like "THIS... IS... BERK!!!" and then push a dragon down an endless pit.
• BUHH or could you imagine if he had an ex-wife in the movie played by Jennifer Anistion? And he was assigned to capture her and take her to the dragons?? The movie could be called How to Train Your--... nevermind.
• One of my only gripes is that they didn't explain why Hiccup doesn't have a Viking accent.
• I like to pretend that after the end of the movie, the Vikings become super angry for no reason and start conquering random territories. This is potentially the prequel to The Secret of Kells.
• I have a love-hate relationship with the character designs in the film. On one hand the vikings are awesomely huge and the dragons are cleverly constructed. On the other hand I feel like some of the designs were too "safe". For example, Hiccup's hair is bland and they designed it in such a way so that it's more relatable to today's audience. TODAY's audience. Which, I realize sounds like a good thing, but it bothers me that the Jim Halpert hairdo will become passe in about 20 years. It's like if the film came out in the 1980's, they'd have given him a mullet or rattail. This grinds my gears because I feel like the movie should establish that it DOES take place in a different place and a different time, but by having fashion accustomed to the 21st century America, it breaks the confines of their world. (This is also seen in the kids' America accents. Either have everyone sound like a Viking or no one!) They implement contradictory ideas for the sake of making the film more approachable, but at the expense of more powerful story telling.
• Did I over think that? It probably just bothers me...
• Did you know the movie is loosely based on a book??

Things I learned from HTTYD

• How to train my dragon.
• Dragons are cool pets.
  
• Viking children don't have viking accents. (I assume they grow into them, like puberty.)

Conclusion

MUCH BETTER than I expected. How to Train Your Dragon was entertaining from the moment it started to the second the credits flashed. I often have horrible preconceptions that non-Pixar CG movies are going to be bad (maybe I'm just traumatized from Happily Never After). The reason for this is because movie studios (and a lot of the public) consider animated films to be made specifically for children, and with that mindset, they neglect efforts to create a compelling film and instead come out with a simple and sloppy mess that can ONLY be tolerated by children. This film has given me hope. Hope that future animated movies that aren't made by Pixar will not suck!

Great White Buffalo

Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)
Directed by Steve Pink
Produced by Matt Moore, John Cusack, Grace Loh, John Morris
Written by Josh Heald, Jarrad Paul
Starring John Cusack, Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, Chevy Chase, Crispin Glover

Hot Tub Time Machine Trailer

Notes

• Some of the best parts in the movie were the George McFly scenes.
• WHOAWHOAWHOA I just made the connection. He was in THAT movie, and now he's in THIS movie. Cool!
• I thought I'd get a better kick out of the whole 1980's retro thing, but I realize I wasn't alive back then... so maybe when Hot Tub Time Machine 9 comes out in 30 years and takes place during the turn of the century, I SHALL LOVE IT.
• It was difficult to not find John Cusak's relationship with that young girl a leeeetle creepy.
• Chevy Chase did nothing.
• The end of Hot Tub Time Machine reminded me of the end of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. If you saw both movies, YOU KNOW what I'm talkin' bout. (Both films also had 4 main characters in them too!)

Things I learned from Hot Tub

• If you change a few things in the past, everything in the future will be perfect.
• The word "awesome" was a hip slang word in 1986. (Wait, right?)

Recommended to

• Those who lived through the 80's.
• Those who want to see a decent R-rated comedy.

Not recommended to

• Anyone outside of the intended demographic. (So uh... the movie did what it wanted to do.)

Conclusion

FINALLY a solid comedy with funny characters and a funny script. Nothing was majorly surprising, especially since a few parts were riffed from other time traveling movies, but it's so hard to find a good comedy nowadays in the slew of films that Hollywood is churning out. With its mediocre downs and its aweseomely hilarous ups, Hot Tub Time Machine ended up being pretty much what I expected. If it exceeded my expectations, however, I would have definitely given it... two tubs up.

-five!-

I'm going to show you how to kill a god.

Princess Mononoke (1997)
Directed by Hayao Miyazaki
Produced by Toshio Suzuki
Written by Hayao Miyazaki
Starring (English voices) Billy Crudup, Claire Danes, Minnie Driver, Billy Bob Thorton, Jada Pinkett Smith

Princess Mononoke Trailer

Notes

• I keep wanting to type "Princess Monkey".
• DUDE, I didn't know this movie was so... gory! They got appendages flying off everywhere! (Okay it's not that bad.)
• Could you imagine if Miyazaki directed a Pokemon movie? Pikachu would never look more beautiful...
• Why is it that in animes, the good-looking guy is always the male who looks the most like a female?
• This movie reminded me of The Lord of the Rings, The Legend of Zelda, and The Secret of Kells. It probably should've been named The Princess of Mononoke or something.
• Wait who's Mononoke?
• And why is she a princess? Couldn't she just be the queen? I guess "Queen Mononoke" sounds a little weird.
  
• Best character: Koroku the Ox Driver!
• Best scene: Pigs painting each other with their snouts.
• ASHITAKA! has been added to CHIHIRO! in my "Miyazaki character names that are yelled List."

Things I learned from Mononoke

• Wolves can still bite with their heads cut off.
• If you have feuding armies, just almost kill all of them, then they'll give up.
• Arrows can decapitate samurai!
• Don't get an infection or else your town will hate you. Forever.
  

Recommended to

• Fans of beautiful stuff.
• Fans of Miyazaki.
• Nature lovers.
  
• Those who want to see butt load of imagination.
• Those who enjoy contemplating upon the many themes of a movie.

Not recommended to

• Anime haters.
• Little kids...
  
• Those who don't want to sit down longer than 2 hours.

Conclusion

Yeah, it's a bit long. Contrary to the trailer, there actually isn't a WHOLE lot of action, but to the movie's credit, when there IS action, it's all kinds of awesome. I very much enjoyed the movie and probably got a bigger kick out of it because I love this kind of animation eye candy. Just watch out for the middle because it gets a little slow (I think Ashitaka is just sleeping or something), and I thought the end was both shocking and unevenly paced... There are also times where I'm like "wait WHAT? oh, yeah, this is a Miyazaki movie, this is magic. Gotta go with the flow...", and if you're okay with that, then by all means watch this! At least watch it to see Ashitaka battle a giant evil black Tangla.

No movie this week.

If it's any consolation, I used the spare time I had this weekend to start a Princess Mononoke drawing, but my computer spontaneously shut down about half way through, and I think it yanked most of my work.

So hold your horses, the post shall arrive very soon.

Don't they ever stop migrating?

The Birds (1963)
Directed by Alfred Hitchcock
Produced by Alfred Hitchcock
Written by Daphne du Maurier (story), Evan Hunter (screenplay)
Starring Starring Tippi Hedren, Rod Taylor, Jessica Tandy

Notes

• It's weird how natural smoking is in the 60's.
• Tippi Hedren has such an entrancing voice... or isn't that how a lot of people talked back then? Third possibility: a 1960's microphone filter to make a voice sound awesome.
• It's creepy how the main three women in the movie all have the same hair cut! That's on purpose, right Hitchcock?! Oh, oh, to show how their heads are all similarly wrapped around the charms of Mitch??
• The little girl was a pretty bad actor. Again, I question if this just her or every little girl in the 60's.
• This is probably the only movie that can make me yell "WATCHOUT THERE'S A FREAKIN' CROW BEHIND YOU!"
• There seems to be a small amount of bird poop in the film.
  
• If this whole bird-attack craziness ever happened to us, I've thought of a simple solution. All we gotta do is get a whole bunch of those plastic six pack rings and place them all over the ground. The birds will succumb to our might of litter in no time.
• Did I just make a pollution joke..?

Things I learned from The Birds

• Back then, school children sang songs in class with no apparent purpose! (In English!)
  
• Flashlights used to be huge. (Physically speaking, not among consumers, although I'm not ruling that out as a possibility too.)
• Cars do, in fact, blow up if they catch in fire.

Recommended to

• Those who want to watch a horror film with fairly intricate character dynamics.
  
• Fans of Hitchcock films.
• Those who want to see people being attacked by birds. Boy, are YOU guys in for a treat!

Not Recommended to

• Those who get easily bored by old movies.
• Those who are looking for a horror film that matches the pace and gore of current horror movies.
  
• Ornithophobics.

Conclusion

This was my second Hitchcock movie and I, for the most part, enjoyed it. There are two great things I like about his films: the long narrative intros (albeit a little too long), and the memorable settings. (Totally wanna visit to Bodega Bay now!) I think the best part of the movie was not the creepy birds - no! It was the scenes where people were talking on phones! Which sounds a little odd, sure, but it is the film's pinnacle of the acting, directing, and cinematography! The ultimate scene would naturally be a bunch of birds talking on the phone, but sadly, Hitchcock did not deliver on that front.

Just be a good boy and die

Only James Bond.
Edit: I rewatched the beginning and it turns out he did not dive after a bi-plane. My bad.
Goldeneye (1995)
Directed by Martin Campbell
Produced by Albert R. Broccoli (uncredited), Michael G. Wilson, Barbara Broccoli
Screenplay by Jeffrey Caine, Bruce Feirstein
Starring Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Izabella Scorupco, Famke Janssen, Judi Dench

Goldeneye Trailer

Notes:

• This movie had both Faramir AND Jean Grey!
• Yknow, being killed by Evil Crotch Lady, probably not the worst way to die. Just sayin.
• Sometimes I imagined Brosnan as being just a regular non-spy guy during his spying missions. He then appears very creepy.
• That guy! Added a missile to the Bond car! And it was never used in this movie! What a tease!!
• James Bond chases a car with a tank. I just thought that was worth mentioning.

What I learned from Goldeneye:

• You don't have to sit down to drive a tank - one of the advantages it has over cars.
• A quick way to a girl's heart isn't being nice or sexy or suave or handsome or awesome. You just have to save her from impending doom, and 10 seconds later you two will be smoochin' in the gravel.
• Chain linked fences are a good cover from bullets flying at you, especially if you're running.

Recommended to:

• Those who like Bond movies.
• Those who like explosions.
• Those who like Pierce Brosnan.
• Those who want see lots of exciting stuff happening.
• Those who want to see Jean Grey play an evil crotch lady.
  

Not recommended to:

• Those who enjoy something a little more... thought provoking.
• Bad guys.
  

Conclusion:

Yeah, the movie was pretty fun and exciting. But the problem with it is simply that it's a little past its prime. It has lots of explosions and nonsense action that, sure, was awesome in the 90's, but all that stuff became cliche about 10 years ago. I mean Bond was caught THREE TIMES in the movie, and not once did the bad guy shoot him, even after Bond killed like half of his henchmen! Instead, the baddy usually just trapped him in some place and put a time bomb next to him. This isn't a horrible movie, nor is it an amazing one.

The film didn't even bother with a love story. Here's how I think it went down in the writers room:

"Okay, well this is the next Bond girl. How can we show them falling in love?"

"Bond saves her. They fall in love."

"Well, uh... does he charm his way into her life? Is she, at first, reluctant of a relationship, but he keeps using his moves-"

"Nope. He saves her, they fall in love."

"Really? We aren't gonna build tension or..-"

"Have you been watching too much Remmington Steel?"

"Well uh..."

"Look. We have explosions. We have shoot outs. We have explosions amidst the shoot outs. We don't need to waste our time with developing a relationship between the characters. Everyone knows that in the next movie, he'll just be banging some other chick."

"So..."

"So?"

"So... he saves her... they fall in love."

"He saves her they fall in love!"